36 Questions to Fall In Love

In 1997, a team of researchers led by husband and wife psychologists, Arthur Aron, Ph.D., and Elaine Aron, Ph.D., published a paper in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin about a series of experiments where strangers asked each other sets of questions designed to foster intimacy. The study examined whether the intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by answering a specific set of 36 personal questions, each intended to become increasingly probing, stimulating closeness, intimacy and ultimately love.

18 years later, Mandy Len Catron cited the study in a widely shared article in the New York Times called "To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This." Unsurprisingly, this “scientific approach” to love was catapulted into the public sphere as a result – spawning countless readers to try the questions for themselves.

While the questions are not a magic formula for falling in love, nor do they replace the time needed to build true trust and commitment, they do foster a sense of closeness and can be incredibly enlightening. Try them out on your next date night or intimate dinner party.

36 Questions to Fall in Love

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling..."
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how they might handle it. Then, ask your partner to reflect on how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

By asking and answering these questions honestly and openly, you and your partner can learn more about each other's thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and gain a greater understanding of what makes each other tick. Even if you don't "fall in love" as a result of doing these questions, they can help you to bring you closer together and strengthen your relationship. It's a simple yet effective way to improve the communication and intimacy in your relationship. So, give it a try and see how it can bring you and your partner closer together.

Ready to turn your love story into a book?

With Remento, it's never been easier to collect your family's stories, including your love story. Simply add these questions to your Remento account. Each week, you'll be invited to record your answer from your favorite device - no downloads required. Then, Remento turns the recordings into written stories, each of which is printed into a hardcover, keepsake book. Read the book, or scan the QR codes within it to hear their voice. Learn more about Remento here.

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Next up: Tips on interviewing a family member.